Someone I know, and may or may not have been close with, is getting married.
As I write this, they're finishing the last few touch ups, she's getting in the gown, he's buttoning his tux.
And I am so glad I opted out of playing the big role I agreed to earlier.
I don't know about you, but that kind of commitment ain't my thing.
Hell, every time she says something to him I can see his masculinity cringe and be like
"Why are you taking this man?!?! Tell the bitch to make you a sandwich!!"
Who knows, maybe they'll live a life of happiness, prosperity and all that fucking happy shit normal people feel.
Maybe he'll come to recognize his emasculation as a new, exciting opportunity in bed! He can be the woman, she can be the man.
But all in all, I hope you guys have success in your marriage. Stupid Happy Fuckers.
And for the record, you would not have wanted me there anyways, I had full intentions to get completely shit smashed and most likely throw up on your dress.
Unless it's this dress, then I'll shit on you.